The woman finds the situation “really intrusive and unpleasant” and asked for advice on how to stop it
A woman says that her neighbour has been lifting her fence panels to let his kids into her garden, without her permission. Turning to Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) forum, the woman sought advice on handling the issue, confessing she doesn’t “particularly like” her neighbours due to their “unruly” kids and overall loudness.
She recently found out that the family has been “intruding” on her property. She recounted how the neighbours’ children previously cycled on her drive and scaled her 4ft garden fence, prompting her to take steps to prevent it.
Despite her efforts, she noticed “things would be moved” in her garden or that balls the children played with and ended up there were mysteriously retrieved. The woman overheard a chat between her neighbour and his children, revealing he’s been lifting the fence panel to grant them access to her garden.
While the father denied this, she insisted “it’s clear this is what they’ve done more than once.” After being refused entry, the kids opted to climb over the fence for their ball.
The woman says that she “wouldn’t have dared” to do something similar when she was a child and that it feels “really intrusive and unpleasant”. She has asked what the people of Mumsnet think about the situation.
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In the full AIBU post, the woman said: “I don’t particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I’m happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.
“What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I’d hear a ball being kicked over but when I’d go outside to look there wasn’t one there.
“Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must’ve been kicked over earlier today which I threw back – I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don’t go out in the garden every day, am at work, can’t be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.
“So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I’ve got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can’t dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I’ve chucked back, they need these ones.
“They’ve seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they’ve done more than once for them to even suggest it. They’re still going on about it an hour later and saying well we’ll climb over her gate then and get them that way.
“This isn’t on is it? I wouldn’t have dared go in someone’s garden when I was a child and there’s no way my parents would have allowed it either. I’m now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn’t do it today they have and I’m sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant. They’re not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.”
The post garnered a numerous reactions, with a majority rallying behind the woman’s need to take additional measures to maintain her privacy. Suggestions from supporters included the use of anti-vandal paint and sprinklers as deterrents to discourage her neighbours’ intrusions.
However, some advised against taking any action that might “escalate” the situation further. In response to the post, one person said: “Turn the hose on them! Can you set up a motion-detector sprinkler system? And plant some very spiky things.”
A second wrote: “Tap a wedge in low down on your side and they won’t be able to lift the panels”. Another said: “Really this is never ok, unless the neighbour allows it. Otherwise it is trespass. Secure your fence, those fence clips look good, and barbed wire along the top. Also close any gaps there may be at the side.
“I wonder what they get up to when you are in holiday? Is your garden bigger and nicer, or just a nice private extension to theirs. They could have a party there when you are away, to give the parents some peace and quiet (not). Barbed wire underneath too, and a lovely hedge of wild tudor rose and hawthorn, long term.”
A fourth Mumsnet user said: “I would be annoyed as well. That’s trespass and invading your privacy . Hope you get it fixed so they can’t do it again.”
Some advised the woman to refrain from exacerbating tensions with her neighbours and suggested a more diplomatic approach. One person said: “Talk to them, tell them you will be returning the balls in your own time and ask them to respect your privacy.”
A second said: “Please don’t puncture the balls. It’s not going to anything good, it will only escalate”. Another added: “If you heard them discussing those balls and where they were why didn’t you just throw them back and call over the fence that if they ever need a ball back to just knock and ask?”