Marriage is often built on the thrill of finding ‘the one,’ but what happens when that initial excitement fades?
James Sexton, one of America’s top divorce lawyers, points to a phenomenon he calls “slippage” in the Diary of a CEO podcast, where the gradual shift of focus in a marriage can lead to its undoing. Sexton said, “When you were single, finding ‘the one’ was a big priority in your life. And then you found them.” Once couples settle into a comfortable routine, they may start to focus on other areas, he explains, saying, “Now you got that and then you ask, ‘Now what other stuff can we do because now I’m supercharged?’”
As priorities shift, Sexton warns, couples can begin to overlook small issues or slip-ups that start to crop up, which then snowball over time. “That’s what happens in relationships,” he says. “With good intentions, you’re focused on other things.” Over time, these seemingly minor oversights can erode intimacy and lead to emotional disconnect, which Sexton believes is at the heart of many failed marriages.
What contributes to ‘slippage’ in a marriage?
Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, says, “Slippage happens gradually, and its subtle nature makes it easy to overlook. It may manifest as prioritising work over family time, cancelling dinner plans, neglecting social obligations, or focusing on personal growth at the expense of family commitments.”
“Early signs include shorter communication and a lack of quality time together. These signs may seem minor, and couples often believe their marriage can withstand anything. However, by the time they recognise the slippage, it may have created a gap that’s difficult to bridge,” she adds.
Open communication about individual stressors can help illuminate slippage patterns and allow for early intervention before it’s too late. (Source: Freepik)
Common signs that slippage is starting to impact a marriage and how couples can address it
Both partners may begin to feel the emotional distance, says Khangarot. “Common signs include reduced quality time, shared goals, or moments spent together, and avoiding sensitive topics. Though these signs might seem minor, they can slowly erode intimacy.”
To address these issues, she says that couples need to be aware of their routines and ask themselves if they are still prioritising each other. Open communication about individual stressors can help illuminate patterns of slippage and allow for early intervention before it’s too late.
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Importance of proactive communication
Khangarot suggests, “Regular check-ins can significantly enhance marital stability. Setting aside time each week to discuss each other’s lives helps couples stay updated and aligned with mutual goals. This practice helps reaffirm commitment and maintain emotional closeness.”
It’s essential to remember that a relationship is not always a 50-50 balance, she notes. “Sometimes it’s 70-30, 60-40, or even 35-65. Both partners must recognize that they are a team, not adversaries and that the balance shifts depending on life’s circumstances. This understanding can help maintain the connection over time.”
Ways couples can balance personal growth and other life goals without allowing their marriage to take a backseat
“In my experience, balancing personal growth and marital priorities is key to a healthy relationship. Couples who respect each other’s growth journeys while still engaging in and supporting each other’s progress maintain healthier dynamics,” stresses Khangarot.
One approach is ‘parallel growth,’ where both partners pursue personal interests while actively supporting each other. Practicing mindfulness, celebrating each other’s successes, and including each other in future goals and aspirations can foster unity.