If a couple is having problems and decides to start seeing a therapist together, it’s usually a good sign.
This typically means that both parties care about each other and the relationship enough to get extra help to make it work.
But did you know that some therapists might be able to know the relationship is doomed pretty much after just one session with a couple?
Dual licensed marriage and family therapist and professional clinical counselor Cheryl Groskopf told DailyMail.com there are a few telltale indicators she looks for that point to a pretty low survival rate for relationships.
The first is if she notices if the couple doesn’t co-regulate.
Groskopf said that long-term relationships actually require co-regulation.
What this means is that when one person is dysregulated – meaning they’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed – the other person doesn’t get shut down.
‘They can stay grounded, attuned, and present enough to help settle things down without needing to fix it,’ she said.
Marriage and family therapist Cheryl Groskopf said she doesn’t think it’s necessarily a green flag if a couple doesn’t argue
‘If both people spin out at the same time, or if one person always ends up managing everything (emotions, logistics, repair, calming), it creates instability.’
She explained that over time this kind of dynamic ends up feeling like a source of stress, rather than the safe base it should be.
This is because co-regulation is essentially more than just being supportive – Groskopf explained that it’s a biological process.
‘In healthy relationships, you don’t have to regulate your emotions alone,’ she said.
‘You can borrow calm from your partner, and they can borrow yours.
‘If that’s not happening, one or both people eventually start avoiding vulnerability altogether — because no one feels emotionally held.’
Another sign that a couple probably won’t last is if there’s no emotional curiosity either from one or both partners.
Groskopf explained that curiosity is essentially the life source of a relationship.
If couples show no curiosity toward each other, their entire connection is at risk (stock image)
Once that dies, the whole connection dies with it.
‘Without it, people fall into autopilot, assume they “already know” their partner, and start feeling emotionally bored or alone,’ she said.
This often leads to couples getting stuck in surface-level conflict where everything becomes about facts or logistics.
She explained that in secure relationships, it’s important for partners to remain interested in each other’s internal world.
‘They don’t just respond to what their partner says – they stay curious about why they’re saying it,’ she said.
‘They ask: What’s happening underneath this reaction? What are you feeling that you’re not saying out loud? What’s this really about for you?’
And finally, Groskopf said that if a couple takes emotional distance as ‘peace,’ it means they probably stopped showing up for each other.
She explained that she hears a lot of couples say that they never fight and assume that this means their relationship is strong.
Co-regulation is usually a key element to a successful long-term relationship (stock image)
But this is seldom the case – they’re probably just experiencing emotional disconnection.
‘It’s not that everything is fine – it’s that nobody’s saying anything real anymore,’ she said.
‘The couple looks “low drama” from the outside, but inside?
‘One or both people are lonely.
‘No one’s sharing needs. No one’s being emotionally honest.’
She explained that while this may seem good in the moment, long term this can absolutely kill a connection between two people.
This emotional distance stops the couple from knowing each other and growing.
‘And then one day, one or both of you checks out completely,’ Groskopf said.