Parenting can be hard. However, there are certain strategies parents can adopt in situations when either of them feels overwhelmed. One such is the tap-in tap-out strategy. Dr Erin Avirett and Dr Jordana Mortimer, child psychologists, recently took to social media to share how this works. “One thing that can really impact a relationship in parenting is how you form a team. Sometimes we may try to step in when we see one caregiver getting overwhelmed, but the other person can feel hurt and their own authority stripped in front of their child (or grandchild, etc). However, there is a way to handle this easily! Have a discussion where both of you agree to let the other caregiver step in by using an agreed upon nonverbal signal (like a tap on the shoulder) that your child does NOT know about,” the post read.
According to the psychologists, both caregivers must agree to the plan and not get upset when the other person feels they need to “tap in.” They also agree to “tap out” when the other feels it is needed. The person stepping in promises to follow through with discipline. We all get upset—we are human. But working together makes the job easier!
Does it really help parents as a team?
The strategy helps while responding to a child’s challenging behaviour. It allows one parent to take a break when they feel over-emotional. “On the other side, the other parent steps in to handle the situation, ensuring a calm atmosphere for both the child and the parents. This strategy is very effective and helpful for parents to avoid conflict and maintain a composed and supportive environment for their children,” said Archana Singhal, counsellor, and family therapist, founder, Mindwell Counsel, Delhi.
Here’s a strategy that can help (Source: Freepik)
Several key principles make the tap-in-tap strategy effective.
Both parents must agree and be able to understand a nonverbal signal that the children are unaware of. “This could be a gesture such as a hand signal or a tap on the shoulder. This helps parents communicate their needs without confusing the child’s emotional state,” said Singhal.
Here’s what the strategy entails (Source: mindandchild/Instagram)
Both parents, however, must agree that if they receive a nonverbal signal, they will not take it personally. “The parent who is stepping in must understand that it is not the action of their abilities as a parent but rather an acknowledgment that the other parent needs emotional support,” said Singhal.
The idea is to be committed to maintain a calm and composed environment. “It is very important that the entire purpose of this strategy is to prevent emotional escalation. The parent tapping in must be prepared to handle the situation calmly, and to ensure that the child does feel loved and protected,” said Singhal.
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