When friends ask me if I want to go on holiday with them, my first thought is always ‘never again’.
My first and only holiday with friends two decades ago. So badly, in fact, that it still haunts me to this day.
And, as I watched the new season of White Lotus , I couldn’t help but be reminded of my trip from hell.
The opening episode of Mike White’s show sees three school friends played by Leslie Bibb, Carrie Coon and Michelle Monaghan reunite for a girls trip.
Quickly though, one of them starts to feel left out and excluded. It’s a feeling I, and many women who have headed on trips with their pals, know all too well.
When I started University, I quickly made friends with a girl, let’s call her Jenny*.
Jenny introduced me to her best mate from school Sarah*.
It was good in the beginning. We would hang out, we were 18, and soon became a group of three.
MINREET KAUR reveals how, like in White Lotus, a holiday ruined her friendship. She is pictured on holiday in Prague with her friends
Then in our mid twenties we went on our first girls trip to Prague.
Jenny invited some of her colleagues who I hadn’t met before. And that’s when I saw a whole new side of her.
It was a bit odd, I remember thinking, I thought this was a holiday for us three to spend the time making memories and have a laugh? But instead I was ignored and made fun of the whole week.
Within a day of being in Prague, I saw a whole different side of Jenny.
In front of others she tried to impress people and ignored me.
I felt deliberately isolated. There would be time where she would chat to Sarah and ignore me.
They would be talking about memories before they met me, and didn’t even include me in the conversation.
I didn’t know the other ladies. I was completely alone.
MINREET KAUR: And, as I watched the new season of White Lotus , I couldn’t help but be reminded of my trip from hell
I’ve always seen the good side in Jenny. We got on great when it was just the two of us.
But when it was the three of us, I felt constantly left out.
Jenny would talk about me as when I walked up to the two of them. They would have this strange look and be giggling.
She would think it’s funny to put me down and take the mick out of me in front of everyone.
I felt so lonely, I cried when I realised the person I thought was my best friend wasn’t really the person I thought they were.
I always went out of my way for Jenny. I’d drop her off to see her boyfriends, cover up for her, and be the one driving her around.
In reality, she was a user.
I was going through a bit of a bad patch, and Jenny was saying ‘we can chat properly on holiday’.
But she didn’t spend any time catching up with me.
The opening episode of Mike White’s show sees three school friends played by Leslie Bibb, Carrie Coon and Michelle Monaghan reunite for a girls trip (pictured)
But I was blanked most of the time, like I was no one, Jenny was too busy trying to impress her colleagues.
There was a time we were sat together for lunch and before Sarah came.
Jenny was talking about her behind her back saying she flirts with so many guys and is not faithful.
But really, it was Jenny that did that. She would forget about us when a good-looking guy was around.
She did that on holiday, she would chat up any guys and draw that attention to herself.
At the time, she was seeing someone and talking to his friend. I disagreed with all of it.
The holiday was a real eye-opener for me, it made me realise how women are and can be, competing with each other, not supporting one another, and wanting to get ahead.
Jenny would always come across as so lovely.
People would think she is genuine. It took me years to see how she was never there for me if she can talk about her friends to me, she can do the same with me.
Quickly though, one of them starts to feel left out and excluded. It’s a feeling MINREET KAUR, and many women who have headed on trips with their pals, know all too well
I wanted to see places in Prague. But it was Jenny making the decisions of where we go, what we do and everyone went along with it.
I felt so out of place when the three of us best mates were together because all I could hear was the two of them chatting about things only they knew about.
The other three were all friends so they knew each other and had things in common.
This was the worst holiday ever, the few days we went there felt like forever, and I couldn’t wait to go home.
I can’t deal with toxic women and the jealousy between them isn’t for me.
I wanted to surround myself with more supportive women and those who cheer me on and encourage me to go forward in life.
You want women who hold their hand to lift you up not bring you down.
As an Asian woman it’s far worse than other communities. I see it a lot of the time and I hear it from many women about the lack of solid friendships.
The holiday proved to me that this wasn’t the best mate of mine, I was blinded by her ‘fake’ way of being nice and kind when it was just us hanging out, but in front of others and a group of us women, she was a person I didn’t even recognise.
The way she would show off how many guys she has wanting to be with her, it was all about her on the holiday and no one said anything.
She would walk around like she was this extra special person.
I can’t handle being around women with egos and being vile about others.
What’s the need to divulge the stuff that I’ve shared with her to our other friend and vice versa?
I found this out when her friend hinted something to me that I knew only she would have told her.
From then on I knew this was a friendship I no longer needed or wanted. That was it for me.
I walked away when we got back.
I slowly stopped getting back to her, we distanced ourselves and it was a relief.
I wish I had done it sooner.
Since then I have made other friends.
To this day, now into my forties, I feel this kind of behaviour exists more in women.
It’s not something I want, hence I have few friends but no tight circle of friends as I just can’t trust them.
Women do b**** about one another, we should empower each other?
Why do women get a kick out of this toxic behaviour?
I’ll never understand, so for me less is more, I have very few people in my life that I trust, and that works for me.
*Names have been changed