I’m 45 and keep getting rejected for jobs

Do you have a work dilemma, career quandary, or are facing challenges in the office? The i Paper’s new work column will be answering readers’ questions while consulting with the top experts in the field to get you the very best advice. Email questions to work@theipaper.com

I was made redundant around eight months ago from quite a senior role at my company as part of wider restructuring. I honestly didn’t think I’d have any issue going into another role considering my experience and contacts in the industry, but it has been a nightmare.

I’ve applied for countless jobs that I know I am more than qualified to do, but I’m 45 and feel like I’m now up against people in their 20s and 30s who cost companies less, are willing to bend over backwards more, and are more savvy.

Dealing with rejection after rejection, unfruitful interview after interview, no after no, has knocked my confidence.

I think I’ve been rejected by about 12 jobs that I’ve done interviews for, and I’m losing my nerve. I got quite a good redundancy package which I’ve been living off for the eight months, but it won’t be long until it can’t sustain me.

How do I get back in the game – is there anything I can be doing differently?

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Geeta Sidhu-Robb started her career as a corporate lawyer before retraining as a health and wellness coach. She founded wellness brand Nosh Detox in 2007, for which she was awarded Entrepreneur and Businesswoman of the Year five times. Her coaching has seen her help over 19k women, and she specialises in helping women leaders transform their careers. In 2024, Geeta founded WCorp, helping companies create inclusive environments. Geeta is known for her videos about female empowerment on Instagram, TikTok and LinkedIn.

I don’t envy you – it’s a tough market to be looking for a job in. The end of 2024 saw the fastest decline in permanent placements since August 2023, according to the latest KPMG/REC Report on Jobs survey.

Companies just don’t want to spend money hiring new people when it’s going to cost them a fortune in National Insurance.

But it’s not all bad news for you, if you’re willing to think a little creatively and entrepreneurially.

Take ownership of your mindset

I have this phrase that I teach all my coaching clients: what if everything was your responsibility, but not your fault? And what I mean by that is, that you cannot change anyone outside of yourself. You can only change yourself. Which is actually quite liberating, because it means you stop worrying about things you can’t control, and focus solely on yourself.

It’s an important change in the way you see and approach your situation – from thinking that everyone is turning you down, and has control over your life, to taking responsibility for how you show up as the best version of yourself. If you spend every day thinking you’re old and useless, and you won’t get hired because younger people are cheaper than you, that is exactly what you’re going to have reflected back.

So the first thing I would get you to do, is to think about what you are really good at, and what you’ve achieved professionally, then use that to frame how you go into interviews. If you go into an interview with the mindset of, “Let me tell you what I’m really good at”, then you can use it to understand if the role is the right fit. You may not get that job, but it might open up another opportunity within that organisation, or within the interview panel’s wider network.

I would also rethink how you’re finding new job opportunities. There’s a chance you’re overqualified for what you’re applying for, so I’d be bold and go for roles that are out of your comfort zone. It also sounds like you’re applying for advertised vacancies, and by your own admission, not having any luck, so it’s time to try something new.

Reframe your referral game

You mention you have contacts in the industry. How have you been leveraging them? You might feel it looks desperate to hit someone up for a job, but there’s a way to work your network so you come across as full of energy and initiative, rather than someone who’s embarrassed to call in a favour.

Instead of saying, “I’m struggling to find work – can you help?”, go back to that reflection on what you are really good at. Then reframe the conversation as, “I have these skills and I want an opportunity to use them because I love doing this. Do you know people I can talk to about using these skills?”

I liken it to asking someone for money, which is never a good idea. What I tend to say is, “I’m working on something new and I want to get it funded. Do you know who I should speak to to do that?” So I’m asking for their recommendation rather than for a favour.

People then feel a lot calmer and freer to respond, because they’re not feeling pressured into helping you, especially as it doesn’t take much to hop on a quick video call with someone. I would also take that approach for attending as many relevant networking events as possible – then you can beat the nerves by knowing your narrative.

Upskill – and pay it forward

You might have also already realised that now is a good time to do some upskilling. If you haven’t already, get on board the AI train, fast. You can do this for free – a number of big universities, tech companies and even banks offer free short courses in how to use AI, with certificates you can put on your LinkedIn profile and CV. Then you can add that to that list of skills you’ve already identified, and go into interviews with a fresh perspective on how to tackle some of the challenges of that role.

I think you’re in a position now to also consider doing some work for free – not giving all your time away, but ringfencing 30 per cent. You could look for some startups that might be struggling in the areas where your skills lie, and you could contact them with the offer of some short-term free consultancy.

You’ll build your network and confidence, while keeping your experience up to date – and it may be the route to some paid work.

Get physical

Lastly – and this is equally as important as the professional and emotional side of things – make sure you’re investing in your physical health, too. This is something I advise all my coaching clients, because how you feel physically will carry over into how you present yourself and perform professionally.

If you’re a woman, chances are you’re approaching perimenopause, which will signal a decline in your oestregen levels. Low oestrogen can cause difficulty concentrating, moodiness, fatigue, insomnia, and headaches.

Men can also start experiencing a decline in testosterone from their mid-40s, which can affect energy and mood levels. So get your hormones checked, and start correcting any imbalances that may be found, to ensure you’re feeling your best. Make sure you’re taking vitamin D, a lack of which can also impact sleep and mood. And it goes without saying, it’s important that you’re eating well and moving regularly, too.

People often forget to look at the physical element when they’re in crisis, and it’s a huge mistake, because if you don’t feel good, whatever you do, nothing is going to stick. That – and confidence. If you don’t have confidence in your skills and value, the change you want to see in your situation won’t materialise.

*As told to MaryLou Costa