A distressed mother has revealed why she’s left all the WhatsApp groups with other parents at her children’s school – and even says they should be banned.
Carla Bellucci, from Hertfordshire, likened the chats to ‘school bullying’ and says she was repeatedly left out by other mums, who wouldn’t invite her to meet-ups.
The 43-year-old, who has four children aged between three and 19, even says she was called a s*** in one of the groups, and has now left them for good.
Speaking to FEMAIL, Carla confessed: ‘The mums made me feel so small and not important. It got me down, so I left groups.
‘It was constant chit chats between them and just not including me almost like they wanted me to see they wanted to make me feel like s***.
‘It was constantly like this. Play dates, not including us, it almost felt like school bullying. I felt so silly and left out. It brought back school bullying vibes to where I dreaded the “ping” noise I didn’t want to look.
‘I think they are a place to belittle people and it makes no sense to have them. Woman just b**** – jealous nasty b****y childish remarks – all unnecessary. No wonder why they cannot control their kids; maybe they should put the same amount of effort into their children as they do in bullying other mums on the groups.’
Her comments come as schools across the UK have asked lawyers to draw up codes of conduct in order to police parent WhatsApp groups over fears about the content they may contain.
Carla Bellucci, 43, felt forced to leave WhatsApp groups with other school mums after being ‘bullied’
Giving an example of the ‘bullying’ towards her, Carla said an invite for a boy’s party was put in the chat – but her youngest child, Blu, wasn’t invited.
She explained: ‘The other day, there was an invite for a boy’s party and Blu (my youngest) wasn’t invited. I replied saying: “I take it Blu isn’t invited then?” and then just ignored me.
She said she was told the party was being kept ‘small’ – and was so shocked that she never replied.
In another hurtful exchange, one mother invited the group chat to a ‘get together’ with wine and nibbles.
Writing in the group chat, Carla said it ‘sounded nice’ and offered to bring rosé or white wine.
However, she said the other mothers soon started making snide comments about her, and she was called an ‘ex glamour model’ and a ‘s***’, while another joked they should ‘lock up their husbands’.
She told FEMAIL: ‘There’s always constant arguments in it. I’ve had a mum call me a s*** because of my past and they don’t invite me round anymore – I’m surprised they’ve not kicked me out yet.
‘I’m no longer part of a few of the mum groups, as I left myself.
Carla (pictured with her daughter Tanisha) said one parent even called her a s*** as they arranged a wine night
‘I used to always have fall outs. I made friends with the school mums and one night, a mum’s husband turned up from the group chat while we were having wine and threw glasses over my garden. I tend to try not to argue with people in the group chat, but they typically just ignore me – or I tend not to be included.’
Now, in the wake of news that there may be enforced rules for such groups, Carla says they should be banned or, at the very least, schools should step in to tell people how to behave.
She says: ‘I think people, especially grown a** women, should know how to behave.
‘We are talking about mothers – it’s actually shameful. I would be so ashamed to behave like that; a total embarrassment to their kids. No wonder kids end up bullying people. It comes from the parents.
‘I think there is no need for the groups. In fact, I think they should be banned. And maybe schools should step in and teach the mums how to behave online.
‘I’m a strong person but the next mum they do it to may not be as strong.
‘I know at least three other mums who feels the same as me and have left the groups and a lot more feel the same way but feel pressured to stay in the groups.’
Now that she’s left the group, Carla feels immense relief at no longer having to see what other people are saying all the time, which would make her feel ‘not good enough’ and would make her ‘question’ herself.
Carla is a mother of four and says she’s now glad she’s left all parents WhatsApp groups (pictured with one of her children)
She says both she and her children have been left out by other parents and were called horrible names
The 43-year-old says she was constantly bullied and it made her feel down
‘I’m so glad I am out of all that,’ she concluded. ‘I actually dread seeing other mums on the nursery runs now – that’s just not right, it shouldn’t have to be that way.
‘I think in a world where you can be anything, be kind – that goes for mums too! Set an example of how you want your kids to turn out!’
It comes after text messages posted in a school parents WhatsApp group led to six police officers raiding a couple’s home and arresting them.
Earlier this month, Maxie Allen and his partner Rosalind Levine were held in a police cell for eleven hours on suspicion of harassment and malicious communications after a ‘trivial’ dispute.
Their crime was to send a few mocking and sarcastic comments about the recruitment process of a new headteacher at the primary school attended by their eldest daughter.
In their messages, the couple were disparaging of the hunt for a new head led by Jackie Spriggs, the chairman of governors.
In what’s been described as a clampdown on free speech, six uniformed police officers later turned up at their suburban home before they were led away in front of their crying daughters.
After a five-week investigation, Hertfordshire Constabulary finally concluded there was no case to answer.
Carla is pictured with her daughter Blu in 2023 while meeting Santa
Ms Levine wrote in the WhatsApp group: ‘Can you imagine what the ‘action’ is? Hello, 999, one of the school mums said something mean about me in a school mum WhatsApp group. Please can you arrest them?’
Mr Allen chipped in and wrote: ‘No public body has the power to control what people say about it.’
Another parent replied: ‘This should be a safe group where parents feel free to speak and share opinions about how they feel about the school and its actions and activities, nothing more or less, end of story.’
Supporting her view, another parent wrote: ‘Everyone’s talking about it in the playground as well. It’s ridiculous.’
Friends of a couple have spoken of their ‘shock and anger’ at the couple’s arrest for comments made in the WhatsApp group.
One fellow mother-of-two, a former member of the same WhatsApp group, told MailOnline: ‘I was utterly shocked when I heard that Maxie and Ros had been arrested – it was a hysterical reaction to the situation and I simply couldn’t believe it.
‘I’ve known Ros for six years and she’s the nicest person I know. They are both lovely, reasonable people, and for anyone thinking there must be more to this – there really isn’t.
‘There was nothing in those WhatsApp messages to take offence at – last time I checked, people are allowed to voice their concerns and criticisms without being arrested in this country.’
Times Radio producer Maxie Allen and his partner Rosalind Levine were arrested on suspicion of harassment and malicious communications after a ‘trivial’ dispute
Mr Allen, 50, a Times Radio producer, has branded the police action ‘dystopian’ and a ‘massive overreach’, and accused Cowley Hill Primary School of trying to ‘silence awkward parents’.
Now, schools have asked lawyers to draw up codes of conduct to help police parent the groups.
The Employment Rights Bill, which is currently being debated in the House of Lords, could make employers liable if they do not take ‘all reasonable steps’ to prevent their staff from harassment.
Such a measure may mean that teachers can sue their employer if they receive abuse in parent WhatsApp groups.
To prevent possibly having to pay-out to suing employees, schools are now reportedly rushing to have lawyers draw up codes of conduct for the online chats.
It is thought that concern is growing amongst headteachers that they could actually be found liable if parent WhatsApp groups are used to spread false rumours or racist and homophobic abuse about staff.
And those concerns have arisen when teachers are usually not even a part of these WhatsApp groups, which are routinely made by parents of pupils often in classes together.
Head of the education group at the country’s leading law firm, Mischon de Reya, told The Times that both independent and state schools have sought his company’s advice over the possibility of drawing up a code of conduct for parent groups.
Schools are now asking lawyers to draw up codes of conduct to help police parent WhatsApp groups
‘Schools are very concerned about the impact on staff and being held liable, for what’s been said in class WhatsApp groups and are implementing codes of conduct for parents.
‘If a parent WhatsApp group was creating an intimidating or hostile environment for a teacher, for example horrendously homophobic statements, the school would in theory be expected to do something about it.’
As well as abusive exchanges, concerns have arisen over the possible spread of misinformation on these WhatsApp chats.
Alistair Wood, chief executive of Edapt, which too offers legal support for teachers, said: ‘We frequently support staff where issued have escalated after misinformation or misunderstanding shared online.
‘These situations can quickly erode trust and take significant time for school leaders to resolve, drawing them away from their core role of running the school.’
‘I was left fuming’: Writer Sarah Rodrigues reveals how her school WhatsApp chat turned into ‘virtual gossip fests’
Sarah Rodrigues has revealed her less than perfect experience in school WhatsApp chats
WhatsApp has been a double-edged sword ever since 2011, when the platform – first introduced in 2009 – launched group chats.
At first a handy tool for organising nights out, the feature has since tendrilled its way into just about every aspect of our lives, especially after Covid put the kibosh on face-to-face interactions. The habits of 2020 have been hard to shake – why else would colleagues still schedule a Zoom when a simple phone call would do?
But that’s exactly why interactions on WhatsApp are nothing more than what might have once been shared after dropping the children off at school and hanging about outside the gates, or sloping off to a nearby café.
My daughter had a staggeringly inept teacher in her first year of school (she resigned after two terms, so I feel vindicated in saying this) and the other mums and I were all vocal – with one another, in private – in our concerns about her.
We – I don’t think unreasonably – wanted to feel that our five-year-olds were in good, capable hands.
I’ve no hesitation in saying that racist and homophobic slurs don’t belong on WhatsApp – but then, they don’t belong anywhere. When a school WhatsApp group is used to stir up hatred or divisiveness, there’s a problem. But it’s a problem that someone within the group needs to address – not the school.
It might be a different story if the school had set up and was the admin of an online chat, on whatever platform. That’s the role of a moderator, in a group where forum rules require that members adhere to a certain code of conduct.
And it’s not just teachers who come under fire in these virtual gossip and b****-fests . When two parents were divorcing, their animosity spilled over into the class WhatsApp and spawned a flurry of message off-shoots.
Sarah said her son was named and shamed in the WhatsApp group because he swore in front of another child
It was a similar story when one parent sang the praises of a teacher whom most of the rest of us loathed. When a particularly wholesome parent objected to contributing to the end of year gift, in favour of a homemade present, the personal opinions of others should have been shared privately, not publicly.
Crikey, I was fuming when one mother named and shamed my son in the class group because he’d sworn in front of her child, rather than coming to me and having a quiet word about it.
There’s nothing wrong with airing grievances – but there is something wrong with airing them publicly, at least in the first instance.
And, unlike whispers behind hands, WhatsApp can be screenshot. It shouldn’t be the stuff of formal policing but, if this is where we’re headed, it should perhaps – where group chats are concerned – be treated like a forum, where posts are pending until approved.
I’d still manage to tell someone that my daughter’s early teacher was rubbish, though.