How to cope with grief this Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day can be a particularly painful time of year for those who have lost someone close to them, whether it’s a maternal figure in their life, or a child. Grief is an undeniable fact of life, but this doesn’t make the process any easier – and commemorative days such as Christmas or days honouring parenthood can feel particularly challenging.

Research by Sue Ryder, the palliative and bereavement charity supporting people approaching the end of life or living with grief, has found that 88 per cent of people report feeling alone in their grief. Their latest campaign, Grief Deserves Better, highlights the importance of those grieving to feel supported, particularly during such emotional milestones.

Bianca Neumann, head of bereavement at Sue Ryder, spoke to The i Paper to share her tips on how to remember a loved one this Mother’s Day.

Celebrate their legacy

“Grief can feel isolating, but you’re likely not alone. Others around you may be feeling it too on Mother’s Day. Take time to talk about and share fond memories of the person who has died, whether it’s your mother or any maternal figure in your life.

“Flick through old photo albums, listen to their favourite music, cook their favourite dish, or wear something that reminds you of them. You could also do something special with loved ones in their honour.

“Reflecting on joyful memories can shift your focus to celebrating their life, the love they gave, and the impact they had on you and others.”

Visit a meaningful place

“If you want to feel close to them, it might bring comfort to visit their grave or final resting place. If that feels right for you, spend some time there and reflect on the memories you hold dear.

“You might also choose to visit a place they loved, such as their favourite park, beach, café – or even the town where they grew up. If travelling isn’t possible, simply setting aside time to reminisce about shared experiences in a quiet space can help you feel connected.”

Write a letter

“Writing a letter to the person who has died can be a powerful experience. Putting your thoughts and emotions into words can help to process grief – and sharing your feelings or updates can be cathartic. If writing directly to them doesn’t feel right, you could journal your thoughts instead.

“Expressing your emotions can help validate your feelings and provide a sense of release. When you are grieving it is important to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, knowing that, over time, you will learn to grow around your grief.”

Create a special tribute

“Grief is deeply personal, and there’s no ‘right’ way to honour your loved one on Mother’s Day. You could consider creating a tribute that resonates with you to celebrate and cherish their memory. You may want to light a candle, compile an album or memory box filled with photos and keepsakes, or plant a flower or tree – something that will continue to grow and symbolise their lasting presence in your life.”

Embrace new traditions

“Mother’s Day may have once been filled with traditions you shared, like family gatherings, lunches, or looking through old photos together. You may choose to continue these, but don’t be afraid to adapt old traditions or create new ones.

“Honouring your loved one in a new way, such as donating to a cause they cared about, visiting a place they cherished, or performing an act of kindness in their name can be a positive way to move forward while still carrying their memory with you.”

Choose your own way to acknowledge the day

“On Mother’s Day there can be an expectation by society to put mothers on a pedestal, but some people have been abandoned by their mother and have grown up with their physical or emotional absence. Mother’s Day can be a good opportunity to step away from all the roses and chocolates. For those who need it, it can be a day to be honest about your feelings and experiences.

“Think about the kind of parent you aspire to be, or how you can provide support to others who lack a parental figure. Mentoring could be a meaningful way to turn your experience into something positive. You are free to make a tradition that validates your life rather than fitting in with the rest.”

Take care of yourself

“It can feel like everyone else is celebrating Mother’s Day, which can make the day feel lonelier – but know that you are not alone. You may find comfort in talking to others. This could be a friend or a support group, such as Sue Ryder’s online bereavement community, where you will find reassurance that other people are experiencing similar feelings.

“For mothers who have lost a child, this day can be incredibly difficult. Connecting with people who have shared a similar bereavement may provide some solace.

“Above all, be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with people who can offer support and prioritise self-care, whether that means taking time to reflect, seeking connection, or simply allowing yourself to grieve in your own way.”