If dogs give you the ick but you’ve been unable to put your finger on why, we finally have a scientific explanation. As they evolved, canines have developed ways of tuning into people’s voices, faces, and brain chemistry so they can work out what we’re feeling. Ugh, the needy little try-hards! A cat would simply never.
In a column for The Conversation, Laura Elin Pigott, Senior Lecturer in Neurosciences and Neurorehabilitation at London’s South Bank University, explains: “Dogs’ brains have dedicated areas that are sensitive to voice… they respond not just to any sound, but to the emotional tone of your voice… they’re also skilled face readers… and remarkably, they can even sniff out emotions.”
She continues: “Dogs don’t just observe your emotions; they can ‘catch’ them too. Researchers call this emotional contagion, a basic form of empathy where one individual mirrors another’s emotional state. A 2019 study found that some dog-human pairs had synchronised cardiac patterns during stressful times, with their heartbeats mirroring each other.”
Co-dependent much? Imagine being in the middle of a panic attack and glancing down to see your four-legged friend having their own mini-version by your side? Helpful. If dogs could speak, they would be saying, “You see, the thing about me is that I’m an empath,” AKA the reddest flag of all in human conversation.
It’s also further evidence that a dog’s love is worthless, whereas if a cat likes you it actually means something.
Pooches are putty in the hands of anyone who shows them even the slightest interest, gazing up besottedly with trademark puppy dog eyes. They’re indiscriminate; they have no quality control.
Meanwhile cats are unfairly cast as aloof and stand-offish, because they have standards. They’re only cold in comparison to the ultimate Pick Me Pet. Cats have an undefinable kind of sexy indifference: they’re effortlessly cool, like Kate Moss. Dogs are more Peter Andre.
Clearly far more intelligent than an animal who would repeatedly fall for that trick where you pretend to have thrown a ball but haven’t, cats know when you’re upset. They’re not interested. It’s none of their business. Unless you have expressly asked for their input or sought comfort from them (in exactly the right way), they will give you space to have your panic attack in peace. They will support you in a dignified manner, from afar.
In extreme circumstances, if you’re particularly sad, they may deign to come and sit on your head, or another equally inconvenient and uncomfortable location, to give you something else to else to focus on other than your woes.
Forget studying our faces like a dog, my cats have trained me to read theirs, which is a far greater accomplishment. Last week I apologised when I walked into a room one of them was already occupying, and it was instantly obvious from her expression that she preferred to be alone. I left immediately, of course – eyes down, backwards, like a butler returning below stairs where they belong.
Dogs don’t come and go as they please, they live with you by default, by accident. They’ve pretty much been kidnapped and it doesn’t even occur to them to mind: the Stockholm Syndrome species. The antithesis of this is every time a member of the feline community chooses to walk through their cat flap back into your home, which is the biggest compliment any human can receive. And if you have the thick skin, patience and dedication to eventually earn the grudging, extremely conditional love of one, it will be a deeper relationship than any dog could ever dream of.
I always hoped my Major Ferguson would be a cuddly lap cat, but it turned out this wasn’t who he was, and I learned to accept that, and adored him anyway. Then one random evening, he suddenly jumped into my arms and snuggled. You know how long it took him to warm up to me? NINE YEARS. I have never respected anyone more.
Maybe dogs should play a bit harder to get in future, so their opinions begin to matter. A cat wouldn’t change its mind for anyone, let alone its brain.