Ups and downs are a natural part of any relationship.
But what do you do when you and your partner seem to be consistently out-of-sync and just feel stuck?
You might be in what they call a ‘relationship rut.’
Thankfully, DailyMail.com talked to dating experts about how you can salvage your romance if you find yourself in a ‘relationship rut.’
‘I see ruts as signs of emotional, physical, or energetic disconnect that’s built up over time – usually because life has gotten in the way,’ Orla Maguire, Founder of Lubify and Certified Intimacy Coach, told the DailyMail.com.
‘Stress, parenting, work, aging, and even unspoken resentments quietly chip away at spontaneity and intimacy.’
She explained that when couples stop prioritizing connection, they can drift into a pattern of habit instead of desire.
If this has happened to your relationship but you’re not ready to let your partner go, there are ways to jumpstart your romance back up and avoid a breakup.
DailyMail.com talked to dating experts about how you can salvage your romance if you find yourself in a ‘relationship rut’ (stock image)
Do self-work
It’s easy to look at your relationship in the current state it’s in and wonder, ‘Where did we go wrong?’
But it’s harder to actually assess what role you may have played in getting it there.
Angelika Koch, Relationship & Breakup Expert at LGBTQ+ dating app, said that she often asks clients to look at their relationship as a whole and ask themselves, ‘Am I putting in as much effort as I did in the beginning of the relationship when it comes to romancing my partner?’
‘One of the biggest mistakes that couples do in a relationship is commit in the beginning to woo the person and hook them in, but once they have that person and the comfort sets in, the effort begins to diminish,’ Koch said.
‘This neglect will contribute to the relationship falling apart.’
Do regular check-ins with one another
‘One of the biggest underlying problems is that there are some unmet needs that one, or both partners, have,’ Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Gary Hominick said.
By having a check-in, Hominick said it can help couples identify what each other’s needs are.
He prefaced this by saying that this can be especially difficult for some people who don’t know how to express their needs.
But by using a method known as FANOS check-ins (Feelings, Appreciation, Needs, and Success), they can learn a helpful structure to sharing their thoughts.
‘By doing a check-in like this, we have conversations that every couple should have, but rarely do. It’s such a powerful thing to feel seen and appreciated by your partner,’ Hominick said.
A relationship rut can be the result of falling too much into a routine with your partner (stock image)
Go on a couple’s vacation
It may seem like going on a getaway is just escaping your problems, but it may be a good opportunity for you and your partner to reset.
‘Just the two of you, in a relaxing environment where you can reconnect and spend quality time together,’ Michelle English, LCSW and Executive Clinical Manager at Healthy Life Recovery, told DailyMail.com.
‘Sometimes we get so drained from all the external stress – with work, family, and life in general – that our relationship suffers because we’re not intentionally giving it time and energy.’
English explained that a getaway can help you refocus and remember that you’re a team.
And it might even remind you of why you and your partner got together in the first place.
Rekindle your curiosity
‘Over time, we tend to assume we “know everything” about our partner; however, people evolve and change,’ Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Director at Maple Moon Recovery Sean O’Neill said.
This is why, instead of your typical questions like ‘how was your day’ and ‘what did you eat,’ O’Neill said open-ended queries can be more helpful.
He suggested you ask your partner what they’ve been dreaming about lately or what they’re most excited about.
O’Neill explained that more interested, involved questions like this can help reinvigorate the connection while also enabling both partners to feel acknowledged.
Mix it up
You’ve probably heard this a million times, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
‘That pattern that couples fall into where they come home, eat dinner, sit on the couch, and watch their favorite show, isn’t helping you get out of the rut,’ Atlanta Couples Counselor Mikela Hallmark, LPC added.
‘Research does say that having shared interests improves friendship, but most couples that are in a ‘rut’ aren’t as concerned about friendship.’
She said that they’re typically lacking vitality, connection, passion, and novelty.
So what does mixing it up typically look like?
She suggested trying a new activity together, moving your bodies, challenging your minds, or laughing together.