Losing a parent is hard. But losing both? The loss is unbearably painful. In a recent appearance at We Are Yuvaa’s ‘Be A Man, Yaar’, digital creator and comedian Bhuvan Bam got emotional while discussing the loss of his parents during the Covi-19 pandemic. He mentioned that he is still struggling to process this feeling, which is why he doesn’t speak about it very often.
How can you navigate the tragic space of grief and loneliness, while coping with real life responsibilities? Indianexpress.com spoke to counselling psychologist Priyamvada Tendulkar to understand the nuances of coping with the sudden loss of ones’ parents.
“Parents are the first humans we interact with and they’re the ones our survival depends on. So, naturally, parents literally form the “world” in which kids grew up, and a relationship with parents is thus also the first template of relationship we have,” said Tendulkar.
“While growing up, we realise that our parents are far from perfect and are actually complex human beings that can bring up complex emotions. But you may still never wanna lose them (though unfortunately, there are cases where the abuse has been such that the passing of the parent is a very form of liberation and relief),” she said.
Despite a fair amount of grouse against our parents, she shared that there’s an unspoken fear about their health and painful feeling of watching them grow old and infirm- not to mention perpetual unresolved conflicts.
“Losing a parent would shatter a person’s stability for a while, and with it comes a deep sense of grief and a void of not having that one person you knew always meant well for you, even if there were bitter fights over how to communicate,” she said.
Tendulkar stated that it is very normal to have memories resurface. Grief is extremely exhausting and directly proportional to the love one had.
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Losing parents is painful and comes with a deep sense of grief. (Source: Freepik)
How can you cope with suddenly losing your parents?
Tendulkar shared that times like these are when your support system plays a very important role.
“Make sure you reach out to your people, especially those who knew your parents and with whom you can pay tribute to them. It is very essential to feel your grief. Don’t run from it, as your grief is a measure of your love,” she said.
“Express it to those you feel safe with, and cry it out if that helps lighten the darkness. You can take some time off to make room for the exhaustion, and don’t put pressure on yourself to spring back to normal,” she added.
According to her, it is very normal to experience anger, especially at the randomness of life and the unfairness of losing a parent so suddenly.
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And of course, if you feel that your anger, grief or depression is getting too deep, she suggested reaching out to professionals.