If I could go back in time, there are plenty of things I’d probably try to tell myself ahead of giving birth
My son recently turned one and this milestone birthday prompted me to reflect on the last 12 months. Becoming his mum has been the most amazing experience of my entire life, and I feel like I look at the world with a new set of eyes since he came into it.
Over the last year, I’ve learned a lot of lessons – some of which were easier than others. There are so many things I didn’t understand or appreciate until becoming a mum – including how annoying it is when people park over dropped kerbs when you’re out and about with the buggy, or how many loads of washing you can get through in a day.
If I could go back in time, there are plenty of things I’d probably try to tell myself ahead of giving birth but, ultimately, I wouldn’t change a thing about the past year because it has taught me so much. Instead, I thought I’d share 16 things I learned in my first year as a mum, in case any Liverpool mums can relate.
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We are so incredibly lucky to have Liverpool Women’s Hospital
My birth didn’t go how I’d hoped it would, but I still had the most wonderfully positive experience and it was all down to the staff at Liverpool Women’s Hospital. In the first hours of motherhood, I felt so well cared for, so respected and so safe thanks to the heroic staff at the Women’s.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express my gratitude to the people who helped me during my extended stay there, from the medical staff who made me feel so well looked after, to the catering team who provided the best toast I’ve ever eaten in my entire life. I felt so lucky to have such a positive experience and the best imaginable start to my motherhood journey, right from the moment my son took his first breath.
There is no such thing as the ‘perfect’ birth
Enough time has passed now that I’m able to laugh at myself and my ridiculously meticulous ‘birth preferences’. I knew that having a plan didn’t guarantee things would go my way. But everyone who told me “babies don’t pay attention to your birth plan” was absolutely right – it couldn’t have been any further from what I’d pictured for myself.
The calm, low-intervention, midwife-led, non-medicated water birth of my dreams actually turned into a lengthy induction which culminated in an emergency C-section. But despite being a world away from what I wanted, it was still the most incredible experience of my life.
In fact, I learned one of my most important lessons about motherhood during my birth – you can’t control any of this, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be amazing. As someone who likes to plan for every eventuality, motherhood has been a lesson in letting go of the control I thought I needed in order to feel my best and try to relax a little.
That’s not to say there won’t still be moments where you desperately try to cling to some sense of order during particularly chaotic moments, but it’s best to just let go of the things you can’t control. Even though my birth didn’t go to plan, I was still glad I’d done so many classes at Liverpool Women’s Hospital and via the National Childbirth Trust so that I knew what to expect in every eventuality. The aspects of labour I’d feared most – induction, an epidural, a caesarean – were all, actually, great. I had nothing to worry about.
You don’t need to justify the way you choose to feed your baby
This is something I wish I could scream from the rooftops. There is so much pressure placed on new mums to breastfeed – but it’s just not possible for everyone.
In my case, I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t have a specific reason, other than the fact that I wanted my body to be mine again, after nine months of pregnancy. But when people asked if I was breastfeeding, I felt the need to offer some sort of explanation as to why I chose not to, and I worried people would think I was a bad mum for formula feeding my son.
In the days immediately after birth, moving my son on to formula felt like the right choice for us as a family. It was something I discussed with my midwife after telling her I was completely unable to sleep and was feeling constantly anxious and afraid that something bad would happen to my baby if I fell asleep. We decided that sharing the feeds with my husband was the best plan for my mental health, and that my baby would be healthier if I was well and able to look after him.
NHS guidance states all of the incredible benefits of breastfeeding and the BAMBIS team is an amazing resource for mums who need support in their breastfeeding journeys. It’s my opinion that fed is best, and that a happy mum leads to a happy baby. That happiness involves different things for different people – but for me, it meant putting myself first in order to be able to look after my son.
Community midwives are absolute life savers
The midwives who came out to our home to check in on me and the baby were absolutely incredible, and I was blown away at how much they cared for me as well as my son. They reassured me about every single worry I expressed, no matter how crazy or stupid it sounded and they helped me build my confidence that I was a good mum and I knew how to look after my baby.
Nicola and Julie were the community midwives who visited our home to look after me and my baby, and I will never be able to thank them enough for the care they gave us. I’ll remember their kindness for the rest of my life.
Children’s centres are a lifeline
After nearly 15 years of Tory austerity and cuts to public services, the provision of early years support across the UK is in a struggling state. Since 2010, 1,416 Sure Start centres in England have shut.
They reduced in number from 3,620 in 2010 to 2,204 in 2023. But Liverpool is blessed to have 23 children’s centres across the local authority area, which bring together a range of free services for children from birth to five, and their families.
Services vary at each centre according to local community needs, but all centres provide child and family health, family support services and a range of parent and toddler activities. Thanks so my local children’s centre, I was able to attend free baby sensory sessions and baby massage classes, as well as a free baby first aid course and a weaning session which gave me so much confidence when it came to feeding my son.
If I’d had to pay for each of these sessions individually, it would have been quite a financial stretch during my maternity leave – and for many families it simply would not be possible. I’d urge anyone who is struggling or in need of additional support to get in touch with their local children’s centre, because they are incredible.
The John Lewis family room is a gamechanger
If you’re in the city centre and in need of somewhere to change or feed your baby, allow me to introduce you to the John Lewis family room. Located on the third floor of the department store, it’s set up with two comfy feeding chairs, two changing stations and a toilet that’s actually big enough to fit the pram in (a struggle I didn’t think about until after I became a mum).
I’ve had so many nice chats with other parents in the family room, and it’s so good to know there’s always a clean, safe space in town where I can change the baby with zero fuss.
Baby classes are actually really fun
If you had told me a year ago that I’d actually really love sitting in a church hall singing nursery rhymes and playing with hand puppets, I probably would have laughed. But over the past year I have fallen in love with baby classes. They’re such a fun way to get out of the house, meet other mums and do things that help your baby’s mental and physical development.
I felt a bit silly at my first class, but I quickly got into the swing of things when I could see how much my son was enjoying himself. Our favourite class has been Caterpillar Music, run by the lovely Emma Gerrard. Every week she comes up with a fun new theme and brings the most amazing selection of props and toys for the babies to enjoy.
It’s been incredible watching my son go from a tiny little newborn who could only make out shapes and colours, to a fully fledged toddler who’s chasing Emma around the room.
Get outside, it’s not as scary as you think it might be
I got a bit overwhelmed when it came to leaving the house in the early days of motherhood – and there is a level of planning and preparation required. It took me a while to get used to the sheer amount of bottles, nappies, formula, spare clothes, bibs, dummies and other items I had to pack into a pram bag just to step outside my front door. But once I realised that the world wouldn’t end if I forgot something, I felt much more confident.
Going out for a long walk or heading into town for a cup of coffee felt like a huge win in those early days, and over time we got more adventurous and travelled further afield. I quickly learned that there’s nothing that can be made worse by just getting outside in the fresh air and going for a walk, and it might even make things feel better after a sleepless night.
A morning at the cinema can reset you after a sleepless night
The Everyman Baby Club is a judgement-free zone where new parents are able to bring their babies to weekly screenings of the latest releases in a space where it doesn’t matter whether your baby cries or sleeps throughout the entire film. Everyman isn’t the only cinema chain to offer this sort of initiative – the Picturehouse cinema at FACT holds baby friendly screenings on Wednesdays, and some of the multiplex chains across Merseyside also offer baby screenings.
The screenings are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays every week, at a time that makes it possible to get into the city centre without having to rush. I decided to make the Everyman a part of our weekly routine and over the year that I was lucky enough to spend on maternity leave with my son, I got to see loads of the latest releases, all with my tiny little best friend on my lap.
It’s also an incredibly friendly and welcoming space – the staff are so helpful in accommodating the prams and any requests during the showings, and the £11.50 ticket price includes a hot drink and a cake. The cinema club was also brilliant for my sense of personal identity during a time when I felt like I was changing as a person. A lot of my priorities shifted – but getting out and about to watch the latest films and feel like I wasn’t missing out on things.
I feel incredibly lucky to have a healthy child, and I know this is a privilege that not all families are blessed with. But on the occasions when my son has needed to be seen by a doctor in a hospital setting, I’ve been completely blown away by the level of care we have received at Alder Hey. Having a specialist children’s hospital right here on Merseyside is something I will never take for granted.
It takes a village
This is a phrase I didn’t fully understand until I became a mum. But it really does take a village to raise a child. From the friends who dropped round food and nappies in the early days of parenthood, to the ones who are on hand to babysit so you can get a few hours to yourself, you need a solid support network to get through that first year. What one person’s support network looks like will be completely different from anyone else – but having people around you to help steer you through the first months of motherhood is essential.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
This has been one of the harder lessons for me to learn. Too many times I’ve pushed myself to breaking point because I’ve been too proud to ask for help from those around me. It’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way, after repeatedly burning out and leaving myself exhausted and overwhelmed. If someone offers to come round and hold the baby so you can sleep – say yes. If someone offers to clean the house so you don’t have to think about it – SAY YES. Accept the help you’re offered by the people who love you.
Put yourself out there and you’ll meet so many new people
I have to be honest – before becoming a mum I was adamant that I didn’t want to make ‘mum friends’. I arrogantly thought it seemed stupid to make friends with people just because you had babies of a similar age, and might not have anything else in common. I could not have been more wrong. Finding a support network of fellow mums has been an absolute lifeline over the last year, and I genuinely do not know where I would be without the friends I have made since having my son.
Having a group of women who understand exactly what you’re going through and who are also awake at 3am to answer your irrational questions is invaluable and will make you feel less alone. I can safely say that the women I’ve met over the last year have gone beyond being ‘mum friends’ and become some of my closest and most cherished friends.
We are blessed with so many incredible public spaces
Whether it’s Sefton Park or Liverpool’s amazing museums, public spaces really do become your friend during maternity leave. This is partly due to the reality of being absolutely skint for most of the time, so free hangouts are always a winner. But it certainly helps that the public spaces which are free to access in our city are first class.
You can still be yourself
Being a mum is the best thing I’ve ever done – but it definitely prompted something of an identity crisis. Before having my son, I loved my hobbies and I was rarely at home. It took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that my life and my priorities had completely changed – and that it was for the best.
While becoming a mum has proved to be a transformative experience, I feel like I’ve managed to carve out the space to still feel like myself by maintaining some of the activities and interests I loved before. Motherhood changes you, but you can’t lose your sense of self entirely.
This is such a kind city and people will look after you
I can not imagine a better place to raise a family than Liverpool. This city looks after mums in the most heartwarming way and you can always guarantee there will be someone looking out for you. Whether it’s giving up a seat on the bus or telling you you’re doing a great job, people are so quick to be kind. I’m beyond proud that my son is going to grow up a Scouser, and I hope he shares the same sense of pride that I feel in my adopted city.