Kesar Ahuja, 19, has been on and off dating apps but confesses that she has hardly gained anything from them. Most of the connections felt superficial and seldom led to anything meaningful, the Pune resident says, describing the dating cycle as endless. “Barely anything progressed beyond the first date.”
Despite downloading multiple apps, chatting with a lot of people, and going on dates, she has found herself frustrated and disappointed, struggling to find someone truly compatible. Even though she is young and actively involved in various social circles, meeting someone organically remains a challenge. Despite the disappointment, she keeps returning to the apps.
From “swipe right” to algorithm-based searches, dating apps have tried using various technologies in the dating scene. However, users like Ahuja prove that technology may not always be the key to success. “After all, the real chemistry starts when you meet someone in real life and that is lacking in nine out of 10 cases,” she says.
Love-hate relationship
Sanskriti Karmwani, 21, another Pune resident, compares dating apps to online shopping. “Being one hour on a dating app is more productive than meeting people over social gatherings. It saves time, and there’s no social anxiety,” she said.
Dr Renu Vinod, sociologist and adjunct faculty at the Symbiosis School for Liberal Arts in Pune, explains that the rise of dating apps reflects the broader technological shifts that have reshaped human behaviour in various aspects of life. She highlights how our shopping habits, from groceries to clothing, have increasingly moved online.
As technology takes over various industries and assist with tasks like grocery shopping to driving, Dr Vinod says that algorithms are now highly effective in matching individuals with potential interests, bringing together people from different castes and cultures who might not have connected offline. These apps create a platform where such interactions become possible.
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However, not everyone shares the enthusiasm for apps. Harshit Singh, 23, says they create a lot of dependency. “You start feeling validated and liked by someone, but as soon as that fails, it gets frustrating, and you delete the app. I was trying to fill a void through these apps in the hope that I could find someone,” he says.
According to city-based counselling psychologist Shubham D Jadhav, dating apps have made finding companionship easier while introducing new challenges, like highlighting self-esteem struggles and the pressure of building digital personas. “While they reduce real-life barriers, they can create emotional highs and lows, leading to what I call ‘small heartbreaks’ from repeated rejections,” he says.
“Despite the frustration and disappointment, dating apps often feel like the only hope for connection, helping to cope with loneliness,” Jadhav says. Their usage can resemble addictive patterns—despite knowing the downsides, people return for the temporary relief they provide.
“Even after facing disappointment with dating apps, people keep returning to them because, at the end of the day, we all crave human connection,” Dr Vinod says. She highlights that people look for connections in very different ways. It could be through friendships or online communities, but when it comes to love, especially romantic love, it has a very strong appeal.
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For people like Jayraj, dating apps have helped to explore sexuality. “It made me feel confident about opening up to my family and friends as I met other people like me along the journey,” he says, while admitting that things are not easy and he struggles with homophobic surroundings.
Jadhav says dating apps do an excellent job at making the queer community feel virtually inclusive. “Hence, dating apps can’t just be looked at from a positive or a negative angle; there is definitely more to them,” he says.
However, Sonali Dalvi, a transgender woman, shares her struggle with transphobia on such apps. “It’s very difficult to find partners on dating apps as well as in real life,” the 40-year-old Puneite says. Dalvi claimed that some people would ‘report’ her profile because of her gender identity, which ultimately led her to delete all dating apps.
Connection and convenience
With tight deadlines and the ease of unwinding through online platforms, people’s interactions have shifted, says Dr Vinod. “You want a connection, but you want it on your own terms. So even if dating apps leave you feeling burnt out and you consider exploring offline options, the reality is that when those offline opportunities don’t materialise, you end up returning online,” she explains.
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“There are opportunities to meet people offline, but do you really have the time, the energy, and the willingness to make that effort? These things often feel scarce in today’s fast-paced world, which is why many turn to the easier, more convenient option of going online to find a connection,” Dr Vinod adds.
In the end, love may be timeless but in a world of swipes and scrolls, convenience often wins because who has the time to “meet cute” when you can just meet… online?