Entertainment
Conan O’Brien’s opening monologue at the 2025 Oscars felt like a classic episode of his late-night show, full of self-deprecation, bizarre gags, and a touch of showmanship.
As Conan O’Brien took the stage at the 2025 Oscars, the Brookline native was in his element.
“Please, please sit down,” O’Brien said to the assembled stars at the Dolby Theatre — none of whom had stood up in the first place.
O’Brien relied on his trademark blend of false bravado, self-directed put-downs, and weirdo non-sequiturs to make his opening monologue a hit.
After emerging from the back of Demi Moore’s unconscious body in “The Substance,” O’Brien ran through a series of one-liners that skewered the nominated movies and stars, especially those who were the subjects of this year’s Oscars controversies.
But the real laughs came in visual gags that are funnier seen than read. The best example was a two-parter about Jeff Bezos being delivered to the ceremony in an Amazon package — followed by a cut-back to a package thief making off with the Bezos box.
Others included a cameo from an under-dressed Adam Sandler, multiple cuts to a disappointed John Lithgow, and an overly elaborate musical number about not wasting everyone’s time.
That musical number also featured a sand worm from “Dune: Part Two” playing “Chopsticks” on a piano, which felt like a character that would be right at home on an old episode of “Late Night with Conan O’Brien.”
Here are some of the best jokes from Conan O’Brien’s 2025 Oscars opening monologue.
— “‘A Complete Unknown.’ ‘A Real Pain.’ ‘Nosferatu.’ These are just some of the names I was called on the red carpet.”
— “What a year for the movie industry. Netflix leads all studios with an impressive 18 — count ’em, 18! — price increases.”
— “‘Wicked’ is nominated tonight in 10 categories. The perfect movie for anyone who finished watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ and thought, ‘Yeah, but where did all the minor characters go to college?’”
— “I loved ‘The Brutalist.’ I didn’t want it to end. And luckily, it didn’t.”
— “I’m a Catholic boy. Loved ‘Conclave.’ It’s nominated for Best Picture tonight. Its logline is ‘A movie about the Catholic Church, but don’t worry.’”
— “I loved ‘Anora,’ I really did. Little fact for ya, ‘Anora’ uses the F-word 479 times. That’s three more than the record set by Karla Sofia Gascon’s publicist.”
— “Karla Sofia Gascon is here tonight. And Karla, if you are gonna tweet about the Oscars, my name is Jimmy Kimmel.”
— “Before we go any further, I wanted you to know we did not use AI to make this show. We would never do that. We used child labor. Hey, they’re still people! Of course, we lost Little Billy.”
— “‘I’m Still Here’ is about a woman who forges ahead alone after her husband goes missing. When my wife saw it, she said it was the feel-good movie of the year.”
— “In the film ‘Babygirl,’ Antonio Banderas plays a man who doesn’t know how to give his wife an orgasm. Antonio described it as the most challenging role of his career.”
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